Wednesday, November 4, 2009

What a ride.

Sunday was a bad day. I blamed it on alcohol the night before. I was determined to at least give the impression that things were okay because Chris and Tammy were arriving late Sunday night.

Monday morning was slightly better. It was chemo time.

After giving blood, I spoke with my oncologists. Chris and Tammy were present and ready to drill the doctor with questions.

I told the doctor that I wasn’t feeling well and asked if alcohol was the cause. He said not likely and that the nature of the disease typically caused random pain. It became obvious to him that the meds weren’t doing the job so he wrote new prescriptions. He then proceeded to go over the following for everyone’s benefit.

The diagnosis: Pathologic stage T4 Nx M0-unresesectable. Mucinous cystadenocarcinoma of the head of the pancreas, status post biopsy –disease appears to be T1-2,N2,M1.

Treatments: Gemzar 1000 mg/m2 started 10/19. We discuss other treatments to include cybersurgery but until I have another CT (o/a Dec 14) no decisions will be made.

The third treatment almost wasn’t given because my white blood cell count was very low. The doc decided to proceed but he scheduled me for Neulasta shot on Tuesday. Sounded simple enough.

Steve also came by for a visit on Monday. Having the kids here makes a huge difference in my morale.

I slept l Monday afternoon. When I woke I wasn’t feeling too good but I tried my best to put up a good front.

Steve had to return to work Tuesday morning. Chris and I went to the rifle range. I was able to hang in for about an hour and half.

The afternoon was spent in our lawyer’s office making arrangements for a family trust. I thought I had everything in order. Not so. Not bad but still lots of organizing of information required.

At 4PM I went to the clinic for my shot. The nurse sat me down and explained all the side effects that I was likely to experience. She repeated it many times. In essence she said that I would feel miserable for 3-7 days. My interpretation was “if you want to live, you will feel like you are dying and may wish you could.”

Now get this. The shot cost $7000-no mistake, seven thousand dollars. Fortunately my insurance covers it.

Well it’s Weds; she was right. I feel like sh..

I will put a good foot forward; even plan to fish this morning. My new meds won’t be here until Friday.


  1. why do you feel that you should be doing all the time. Relax-let the meds work. You need to conserve your strenght so you can fight this bastard thing. Stay focused, think about all the good things that occurred in your life. ThAT WILL MAKE YOU SMILE. If you need someone to talk to I am available at anytime.Pete C. wk # 973-776-3270
    cell# 732-547-2303
    home# 732-866-9609

  2. You are a very brave person. You provide many details. The news talks about heros in Iraq and Afganhistan. They ought to be talking about a hero, here, you.